How to explain it.
How to explain to someone who can breathe easy what an asthma attack is like is something that you can’t do. It’s practically impossible. You can spend hours thinking of ways to explain it, but at the end of the day you have to experience not being able to breathe to be able to describe it. Working for Asthma UK for a bit, we came up with different methods for explaining it to teachers, school nurses etc. One of our favourite tricks was to get them to breathe in normally, and then out through a straw while trying to run up and down stairs. Needless to say not very many of them took us up on the offer, but those who did say it gave them a small insight.
Why am I getting at this you might ask? Well I’m currently on day 19 of yet another hospital admission. This time to my favourite place in the whole world. The one hospital I swore I wouldn’t go back to if I had the choice. This time the choice was taken out of my hands. There was no beds at my local and it was either ICU or t’other place. Funnily enough t’other place won. ICU isn’t fun and it isn’t somewhere I like to go. Something I’m struggling to get across to nurses and people in general on this admission is that I don’t desaturate until I’m proper up shite creek and if I say I’m not feeling well, then I bloody well mean it. Stop assuming I’m fine because I can guarantee you in 12 hours time I’m going to be at square one again and that will just piss me off something silly. And bearing in mind I’ve now been in here for nearly 3 weeks, I’m getting very fed up. Also tie into that I spent my 20th birthday in here, on my own with no visitors, I’m very grumpy. Rawr.
I know I shouldn’t moan, because there’s people in much worse off situations than me. And I could be a lot worse. But is it really too much to ask to have just a few months of normal breathing? Of not being in and out of hospital like a fucking yoyo?!