Heart and Lungs

I have had it with this month. I was just starting to get things back on track and my head gets mashed. 

I had to go to A&E on Monday night cause my heart didn’t feel right. The ECG didn’t show anything though so I was put into the waiting room to wait on blood results. And someone decided it would be a good idea to use shedloads of alcohol gel on their hands. Needless to say my lungs weren’t happy. On a royal scale. I think if I hadn’t have been so tired it wouldn’t have been so bad but my body doesn’t cope very well with tired. So here we are nearly a week later and I’m on the resp admission ward still on aminophylline. I hate my lungs. I hate my heart. I hate being poorly. Fed up with it.

And then my boyfriend decides that he can’t deal with the pressures of being in a relationship. Again. I can’t be arsed with this anymore and am not giving it another go with him. It hurts too much. I still love him and I think that’s what makes it harder. I know that it’s not his fault that his mental health isn’t great, but I want to be there for him. I don’t want him to be alone. It sucks. But I can’t keep just bouncing in and out of a relationship with him because it breaks me apart when he ends up saying he can’t deal with it. 

Just get this week over so I can go see mum and pick TJ up. Need something to cheer me up. 

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