Broken

So this morning I had an orthopaedics appointment to get the results of my MR Arthrogram. I had this done on my shoulder because I’ve dislocated it so many times they wanted to see if there’s any structural damage in it. I found out I’ve torn cartilage and ligaments in it and am going to need surgery on it. This scares the complete shite out of me. Mainly because they’ve said that they don’t think a nerve block is possible on my shoulder because it will paralyse my diaphragm into the bargain. So I’m going to need a general anesthetic. They refused point blank to do my hip under GA because of my screwy chest and made me go through a spinal for both of them. So this is not a piece of good news. And the asthma nurses at the hospital don’t think my consultant is going to let them do a GA. I’m a bit freaked out to be honest. It really feels like just when things are starting to go well for me, that something gets thrown at me to make things difficult again. I know that the saying is only the strongest people get the biggest battles, but right now I don’t want another battle. I don’t want to have to be strong. I want to go to uni in September and not have to worry about this op and having to take a chunk of time out to recover.

I’m scared.

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