Carry on, Sir.

I really am making an effort to blog more! It just happens the only time I really have the time to sit down and do it is when I’m either in hospital or it’s the middle of the night.  So this time I’m in hospital and have time on my hands.

Part of this admission was scheduled so I could have my port-a-cath inserted at the start of my treatment(5 nights of IV Aminophylline), and then I was more likely to be able to get a bed.



So I came in on Wednesday night with the aim to having my port put in on Thursday morning. We spent all day Wednesday ringing every few hours to see if there was a bed, and by 5pm they had one for me. I was well chuffed because the bed situation has been dire lately, but they got me in, so I can’t complain. Came in, had to wait a while to see a doctor because I came in after all the ward doctors had gone home. But got my amino up and going around midnight and tried to get some sleep. Was first on the list for theatre the next morning because of my latex allergy, so they came to get me about half 9. They farted around in the theatre for ages and by the time they actually got around to doing the procedure, I was a total mess. Even after 4mg of IV medazolam, I was still shaking and terrified. I think next time I’ll tell them I don’t respond very well to medaz. Problem was, that wasn’t the only issue. Around 10mins into the procedure, my heart rate started climbing. And climbing. And climbing some more, finally settling on 190-200. That’s a bit fast given that a normal person’s average resting heart rate is about 70-90. With me my average is about 110. So it was still way too high. They ended up having to give me a medication called adenosine which is known to cause problems with asthmatics, so they had to speak to my consultant and I ended up needing a lot of medication to then control my chest because when the adenosine didn’t work, they had to give me a beta blocker, which also causes problems with the heart. So my chest ended up going to shit a bit. So instead of being away for about an hour and a half, I was in theatres and recovery for about 4 and a half hours. Whoops. We still don’t know what caused the very fast rhythm (SVT) because I’m already on medication for my heart. There’s a suspicion it might have been while they were messing around putting the line in and it may have just tickled a part of my heart and it got a bit over excited. But who knows?

One thing i’m struggling with at the minute is my right hip. I know I’ve talked about how I’ve had both replaced, but my right hip is playing up something shocking. I can’t put weight through it, I can’t turn or twist, can’t lie on my sides or it kills and it’s generally making my life a nightmare. I’m back on crutches, which is a total nightmare for dripstands. I can’t go anywhere without help cause I can’t push a drip stand and crutch it. I used to be able to, but that was when the pain was different. This is a new kind of pain which is what’s scaring me a bit. It doesn’t feel like bone pain, it feels like muscle or nerve pain, which are both treated fairly conservatively. I think the Avascular Necrosis has left me very paranoid. I had an x-ray yesterday and they’re going to get ortho to come and see me and see if they have any idea what’s going on with it. Fingers crossed it’s something easily fixable.

I’m really looking forward to getting home. I haven’t been home in about 2 and a bit years. I don’t expect much to have changed, but there’s something about Monaghan that makes me happy just being there. I’ll get to see my nanny who I’ve not seen in forever, and specially after her brain surgery, I just want to give her a massive hug. Sophie’s coming with me and I’m really happy about that. I know we won’t be able to do an awful lot, but i think a week of enforced rest will be good for both of us. No hospital appointments, no work, no uni, just chill time. Definitely needed. Let’s just hope our flight back doesn’t involve the anti-terrorism police and ambulances being called to the plane (I’ll never, ever let her live that down)!


Project 365 – Week 9


Day 61 – 1st March – Went into town with mum and nanny today. Had a dander around the town and went into McDonalds for a Shamrock Shake. They generally only bring these out over St Patricks Day, and don’t bring them out in England so when I get home ad they have them out, I do enjoy them! It was nice to be able to out and enjoy some time with family 🙂

Day 62 – 2nd March – Started knitting today. Haven’t been knitting in years and mum does it quite a lot so I decided I was going to give it a go again. I’m not very good at it, and can’t really do a lot with it. But I can knit a scarf! I might actually get good at it and do it a bit more, but for now I’m content just trying to knit simple things haha. It’s meant to be something I’ve tried doing loads of times, but I’ve never managed to keep it up. So will see if I can manage it this time!

Day 63 – 3rd March – Have been doing this for TJ for about a week. He wanted me to draw something for his room but wanted something with a lot in it. I’m rubbish at putting pictures together, So I’m not as happy with this as I could be. But he loved it, and put it up in his room, so as long as he’s happy with it, I’m happy enough! I still like drawing though, but think I will avoid doing anything like this again.

Day 64 – 4th March – Took nanny for lunch today. She had originally wanted to go to McDonalds, but I wanted to take her for a proper lunch and McDonalds didn’t count as that. So we went to one of the local restaurants in Monaghan called Dinkins. It was really nice to be able to do it and we both really enjoyed our lunch. We both had sandwiches and a cake for afters. I don’t get to spend much time with nanny, and I had originally extended my trip for a few days because I wasn’t going to be able to get to see her otherwise, and despite having done that I wasn’t spending much time with her. So getting to do this was great.


Day 65 – 5th March – Flew home today. Went home from Belfast City which was something I hadn’t done before. I’ve flown from Belfast City before when I was originally moving to England, and once when I flew to Manchester shortly after moving. I quite like flying from Belfast. It’s quite a small airport and is a lot easier to get around than Dublin airport. Mum and Nanny drove me up and I tootled through security and got myself something to eat. Was nice to be able to not have to worry about buses and stuff. I much prefer being able to get lifts but sometimes the only option is the bus.

Day 66 – 6th March – Back home and back into the normality of appointments. Today was endocrinology. it was my first appointment with them, and I’m not feeling as if I got any straight answers from them. The only firm answer I got was that I don’t have an insulinoma as Dr N suspected which was a relief. But things are still very confusing to me. He spoke about my adrenals, the steroids, my hypos and other things. But none of it made sense. They also haven’t written the clinic letter from the appointment yet, and this is now months on. I have chased it up several times but heard absolutely nothing.

Day 67 – 7th March – Went for pancakes with my friend Chris today. Chris stayed overnight last night and i’ve not seen him in ages. He’s from Belfast and I went to school with him when I was about 10. He’s my oldest friend and even though over the years we’ve lost touch a few times, we’re still best friends. He’s been there for me through some really rough times and I love him to bits. We’ve gone out a few times but we work better as friends and I’m happy with things like that. But there’s a place near us that do the most awesome massive crepes. You can get all sorts of different fillings in them and they’re amazing. Was good to be able to get out and have some time with him!


Project 365 – Week 6

Image (2)Day 39 – 8th Feb – So it’s my 2nd last day in hospital. My hip has been playing havoc so I’ve been having IV paracetamol. I needed to go to the loo while I was having it run, so I had to find somewhere to hang it while I was in the loo so that it didn’t fall, and it kept running. In our respiratory ward there is an oxygen tap in every bathroom. It’s a really good idea because obviously when you’re on a chest ward, a lot of patients are going to be on oxygen, and when you want to use the loo etc a lot of times on other wards you have to find an oxygen cylinder and take that with you, worrying about it running out and having to carry it with you. But I was able to hang my paracetamol off the tap while I was brushing my teeth and getting ready for bed!

Day 40 – 9th Feb – I’m getting so bored of the hospital menu. I’ve been going to my hospital for over 2 years now, and during that time have not once seen a change in the menu. I can pretty much rhyme off the majority of the days menus. So after a while you start to want your own food when you’re in hospital. I’ve started bringing in these pasta pots. They’re a bit like Pot Noodles but they’re pasta ones. I much prefer the pasta pots to the noodles. But it does bring a bit of variety to the diet of the hospital inpatient!

Day 41 – 10th Feb – Well, I’m still nebbing, but at least now I’m nebbing at home! Anyone who spends quite a lot of time in hospital, or spends regular periods of time away from home will understand how doing tasks at home, that you had been doing away is so much easier and enjoyable. When I’m having to neb in hospital, I’m doing it on their terms. I do it on their neb sets, with their nebs and generally in bed while being watched by about 6 others. When I’m at home, I can do it where I want, on my own neb, when I want and in private. Because I’ve got a compressor nebuliser in the living room, and then my PARI eFlow that runs on batteries that generally lives in my handbag in my bedroom. So I can put my neb in my pocket and the mouthpiece in my gob, and walk about with my neb. I can even go into the toilet if I want! But there really is nothing like getting home to your own flat. I could lie in my room, with my bed and chill out the way I want to.

Day 42 – 11th Feb – As much as my room is an absolute bombsite, and it’s freezing half the time, there really is nothing better than spending a night in your own bed in your own bedroom. Because I’d spent the past week in hospital, in a plasticy bed, with a thin blanket with crap pillows, getting home to my own bed, with my double duvet, 7 pillows and home comforts made my nights sleep so much more comfortable. I can lie in my own bed and watch TV as late as I want, and what I want, without having to pay for the pleasure! There really is no place like home.

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Day 43 – 12th Feb – I’ve had to start tidying my room because I’m getting a new bed in the morning. So I’ve been collecting all the cans that are in my room. Bearing in mind I’d tidied my room just before I went to hospital, the can tower size really is quite special. I spent most of the day just trying to get my room tidied. I hate it when my room’s a mess. It’s hard enough for me to walk and stop myself from falling over without my room having rubbish all over the floor.  So normally my room’s pretty tidy. Although in saying that, I can never find anything I’m looking for! My TV remotes and hairbrushes seem to be the two things that I’m constantly loosing. Cookie keeps telling me that I should stick them to my head.

Day 45 – 13th Feb – My new iPod came today. I ordered one of the new iPod touch RED [PRODUCT] iPods and got it engraved. For as long as I’ve known about iPods, I’ve wanted a red engraved one. So now that I can actually afford one, I decided I was going to get one. It says “It’s one of those days again, when music is your only friend.” Anyone that knows me, will know how much music I listen to and that I’m never far from my headphones and iPod. I got some beats by Dre a few weeks ago, and it’s amazing how much of a difference a good pair of headphones make. I got my first mp3 player when I was about 12, and since then I’ve never been without some form of media player. I gave my first mp3 player to my friend Michelle. 10 years on pretty much and it still works. Contrary to my family’s belief, I do actually take care of my stuff.

Day 46 – 14th Feb – Well it’s Valentines Day today, and for the first time in a few years, I’ve actually got a boyfriend to celebrate it with. I knew I was going to be going out, so I spent most of the day in bed resting up in preperation for going out. I wanted to be able to enjoy my evening. I got the bus to The Trafford Center to meet Billy with Cookie. She had to go to M&S to return something and then we had a tootle around a couple of shops, and I went into Currys to get a new bag for my camera. I wanted to get a messenger bag that would carry my camera, lens and a few other bits and I found a pretty decent one that I was chuffed with. Then I tootled off to meet Billy and Cookie headed off to catch her bus home. We were going to see the new Lego Movie. I’m a big lego fan and have oodles of the stuff still to build from my spending spree after my backpay. Billy had paid for the Premier seats in the Odeon. I’ve never paid the extra for them, but they’re not much different to the normal ones in all honesty! The only advantage is their position is slightly better and direct to the screen, but I don’t think it’s anything that I would rant and rave about. After the film we went to the food court and grabbed some food. I didn’t really want to go to a big restaurant and neither did Billy, so we both grabbed a KFC. Very romantic! But it was still a fantastic evening, and it was the first time in ages I’ve been to the cinema, and it was all the better to be doing it with my boyfriend!


Project 365 Week 5

So with everything that happened in January with James dying, I was very happy to welcome February in! So here’s week 5 of my Project 365.

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Day 32 – 1st February 2014 – Was up at the hospital today and spotted this. Just why?! Apparently it’s to promote recycling inhalers. If it was a giant inhaler that you could put empty ones in, I’d get it. But it’s a 10ft solid inhaler! Does the NHS not have better things to be spending money on? Like Xolair?! Madness.

Day 33 – 2nd Feb – Finally got these two pictures up on my wall. I’ve been in this flat now since August and it’s taken me to now to start getting my room into some kind of livable order! So I’ve started by getting some DVD racks up, my pictures up, and just today, my new double bed put in!

Day 34 – 3rd Feb – Had an absolutely rubbish day. Spent it in bed, nebbing, watching TV. I can’t actually remember a lot of that day, except that it was spent in bed. I can’t even remember getting up to eat. And that’s unheard of. I hate feeling crap, because it means I can’t hang out with Cookie, I can’t hang out with Billy and my day is just blown off.

Day 35 – 4th Feb – I’ve not got a lot to say about today. I spent it in bed like the last one. Cookie brought me a McDonalds home from volunteering, and I’d not had a McDonalds for a while. So here’s my picture of the day!

photo (5)Day 36 – 5th February – Unfortunately the past few days were never going to end well. Today ended in A&E. Billy bless him has never been in A&E with me, and he was so sweet! He even sang me Soft Kitty from Big Bang! Bless him his stammer got really bad when he was there, but he didn’t leave until I got to the ward at 2am! He’s a keeper 😉

Day 37 – 6th Feb – Because the hospital was pretty much full, I ended up on the Acute Medical Ward from A&E. I hate A10. They get over worried about silly things. Anyone who knows nursing by numbers will understand. It’s a nasty invention.  So getting onto my resp ward and being able to properly sleep was legend.

Day 38 – 7th Feb –  Anyone who has had cannulas will probably recognise this image. A cannula that’s fallen out and the aftermath. I did warn them the dressing was shagged, so the fact that they didn’t listen to me isn’t exactly my fault! Luckily I still had another cannula in the other hand so I was able to use that instead of having to indure the wrath of the junior doctors cannulating skills.

Anyway, I will try and update the last week again before I go to Ireland on Sunday. But I’ve still not sorted anything and I’ve no washing done or anything, so I’m not sure I’ll manage. But otherwise, see ya all on the 6th March!



Project 365 – Week 4

This was a bad week for me, but I’ll explain it a bit more in a separate post. I don’t want to bog down my P365 posts with bad news.

Day22-26 22nd-26thJan


Day 22 – 22nd Jan – Had Billy over tonight, so cooked him, cookie and myself chicken korma. People don’t really believe that I can cook, and that when I do cook it’s not microwavable meals! But I do actually enjoy cooking, but unfortunately a lot of the time I’m not really up to it because it means sitting in the steamy kitchen and standing up for quite a lot of time. I do sit on a stool, but it’s more of a pain to be honest. And I hate the washing up that it entails. Although we have an agreement that if I cook, Cookie does the dishes and clears up. It’s a good way of doing it, I even got her to wash the frying pan with fajita sauce in it the other night!

Day 23 – 23rd Jan – Got my PIP backpay through today! Epic win! I’ve been waiting since May for a decision, and they’ve awarded me higher rate for both components for 3 years. I’m over the moon. It’s a massive weight off my shoulder and should really help things financially for me. I’ve been struggling to keep my head above water lately, but this really helps and I’m chuffed that it’s finally happened.

Day 24 – 24th Jan – Went on a bit of a spending spree when I got my backpay through on amazon. The door didn’t stop knocking all day. Cookie bless her gets up for it because she knows that by the time I get to the door, they’ve generally gone. And that it hurts getting up and down. But I did go slightly nuts. I got Big Bang Theory Cluedo, a new xBox 360, Beats HD Solo by Dr Dre,  a few bits for my camera, DVDs, some art stuff and then a fair amount of other stuff that didn’t come on that order. I bought a new bed aswell, and it’s being delivered on the 5th Feb. I’m finally getting a double bed! I’ve been in my own flat now for over 2 years, and have never had a double bed. I can’t wait!

Day 25 – 25th Jan – Unpacked some boxes today and sorted out my meds shelf. It does look a hell of a lot better now and I have so much more room in my bedroom. Which should make it easier when my double bed comes to fit it in. I’m still trying to try and get everything sorted by the time it comes. I need to move my wardrobe and some furniture around so that I can fit it in comfortably.

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Day 26 – 26th Jan – Nothing beats a cup of tea and dohnut! It was the end to the day that was already going great, and it just topped it off. I love Krispy Kreme raspberry glaze donuts. They’re amazeballs! And a cup of tea with 2 sugars in my Homer Simpson mug, with Sherlock on telly. What more could you want?! It’s all good.


Day 27 – 27th Jan – Got my new iPhone 5S today! I was due an upgrade at the end of the month, but we were in the Trafford Center today anyway, so I paid the extra and upgraded it a week early. I wasn’t impressed though. My bank card was one of the ones that went down on the Saturday, the one day I’m in the Trafford Center shopping. Was so unimpressed. I ended up having to use Cookie’s card and pay her the money back, but I hate doing that. We went to Hamleys and got some lego, I got a Mr Bump teddy and cookie got a Hamleys bear, Big Ben 3D puzzle and some lego. I got to spend my gift vouchers that I got for Top Shop and got some art stuff, books and a board game in WH Smiths aswell. It was a good day, and we got to have dinner with Billy and his brother Harry. It was a great day, but I was completely exhausted by the end of it and literally just fell into my bed.

Day 28 – 28th Jan – This was all the lego that I’ve bought in the past week. I love lego, especially technics. When I’m struggling with my mental health, chest, hip or all three, Lego is fantastic at keeping me distracted and I can generally see the outcome of it pretty quick. I bought a propeller plane that you can put a motor into and make it move. I’m really looking forward to building it! Between Cookie and I, we have enough lego to build Wythenshawe’s own LegoLand. I got her a lego train as an early birthday present. She’d wanted one for absolutely ages and would never let herself get one, so I decided I’d get her it. She’s struggling at the minute with her mental health, so giving it to her now gives her something to do when she’s not great. And she can build it in bits so that it’s not all built at once and will last a while.

Day 29 – 29th Jan – Had a fantastic, but tiring day. Had my diabetic review on Thursday morning. As usual all my bloods were excellent and the practice nurse was pleased with how that was doing. But she was worried about my overall state of mind. If you read on in the next post, you’ll see why. But I came out of that appointment smiling after my coat zip split and she ended up helping me pull it out and then ended up zipping my coat up for me. I’m very lucky that my practice nurse is fantastic. I get on really well with her, even if she does have a habit of admitting me to hospital when I see her. But oh well. I was lucky this time! Then on Thursday evening, my friend Dorri had managed to get us tickets to see Superstar Dogs being filmed for Channel 4. John Barrowman was presenting it, so it was great to be able to see him. I also got to have a chat with him which was funny. I told him he needed to get cruise control in his car because he kept getting speeding tickets. Apparently it means something else in the gay world! 😛 But it was a VERY long day. We had been told to get there for 4pm, so we got there, and were told to come back at 6pm. So we tootled off to Costa and had some food and a drink and then went back. So we had our wristbands on and got told to queue up. We’d been told because I was on crutches that this wouldn’t happen, and I wasn’t very impressed. Until about 7.30, we were queuing up to get into the studio but when they moved us into a holding area just outside the studio, we were lucky that we actually got seats to sit in while we waited. When we went into the studio, the first thing I noticed was it was absolutely freezing. I was quite lucky that I did have a t-shirt and shirt on so I wasn’t horrendously cold at first, but as the evening wore on, I was foundered as my nanny would say. Most people think these things are just recorded in one take and that is that. Considering this show was on for an hour, we were in that studio for 3 and a half hours in the end. Clapping and cheering on command. Unfortunately my chest started to protest to my tiredness, and I was really starting to struggle by the end of the night. Luckily I managed to get home and have quite a few nebs and bolused my pred to see if it would keep me going, and thankfully it did. It was great fun to watch though, and I’m looking forward to seeing it aired, although they’ve not decided when that will be yet. But it was enjoyable none the less and Cookie and Dorri did aswell.

Day 30-31st Jan

Day 30- 30th Jan – I finally got TiVo in my bedroom! I had said from when we first got virgin in our flat that I wanted to get a box in my bedroom. It’s good because at the minute my hip is quite bad, and the most comfortable position I can be in is lying down, and sitting up in the living room watching TV hurts a lot and my hip keeps popping out. So Cookie comes in here and we can watch whatever it is in the bedroom and I’m more comfortable and she just sits on my bed with me. It does cost a fair bit extra a month, but to be honest, it’s worth it. I was getting bored of reruns of Simpsons and Family guy on my external hard drive!

Day 31 – 31st Jan – Made fajitas for dinner tonight. Was really nice actually. We used a different sauce than normal and it gave it a bit more taste. And Cookie did the washing. Result!

So I’ve actually managed to complete a month of P365, which is good going for the girl who failed miserably at 12 of 12! Hopefully I’ll manage another 11!


Project 365 – Week 3

Week three of project 365 was a bit muddled for me, as you’ll see from my pictures for this week!


Day 15 – 15th Jan – Had Billy over tonight, so we lay and watched Up! and had something to eat, then he went home. It’s sad that we can’t see more of each other, but it makes seeing each other even more special. I do really like him, and this relationship just feels much more right than any other. I don’t know what it is, but there’s just something there. He’s such a sweet guy and I do love him.

Day 16th – 16th Jan – I got this awesome coloring book off amazon. It’s called Kaleidascopia and it’s fantastic! At the minute I’m really trying to keep my head busy and keep myself occupied and it really is helping. Some of the designs in it are just fantastic and they really do keep me busy for ages. I’ve done a few now in different mediums. Cookie thinks the one I did in crayon is the best, but I don’t agree haha.

Day 17 – 17th Jan – Bought this new blanket today to go on my bed. My bedroom is colder than the rest of the flat for some reason, so I like to have another blanket  on my bed. This one is really warm and fleecy so it’s good at keeping me warm, and I can wrap myself up in it and just hibernate, I love it! It goes under my duvet so it’s what I get to snuggle up to when Billy’s not here. Heat!

Day 18 – 18th Jan – This was the can tower that came out of my room. This was what Billy and I had managed to drink in a day. I think we have issues with fizzy drink addiction. I don’t think though Alcoholics Anonymous would appreciate me walking in and saying “My name’s Vicky and I’m addicted to fizzy drinks.” Bit of a contradiction being there really…


Day 19 – 19th Jan – Started tidying my room today. Got quite a bit done. I really need to start making more of an effort to get my room into some kind of order. I’ve been in this flat since July now, and my room still has packed boxes in it. For goodness sake I’ve boxes that belong in the kitchen in here. So I really need to get my act together.

Day 20 – 20th Jan – Was doing the dishes tonight, and put this glass into the sink in one piece, and took it out like this! I was a bit pissed because it wasn’t cracked or anything, and I’m not that violent when I’m doing chores! I put it in to soak, took it out, scrubbed it, put it back in to rinse the suds and took it out in pieces! I’m v lucky I didn’t end up slicing my finger on it! Considering how accident prone and unlucky I am, I’d say that was fairly good going.

Day 21 – 21st Jan – To be honest, I didn’t do a lot today. I wasn’t feeling too hot and spent most of the day in bed, so I snapped this picture of my lego man sharpner head wearing an innocent hat. We have these hats lying about everywhere from the past few innocent smoothie hat appeals so trying to find places to put them can be fun! We come up with some very creative ones though. Cookie has one of the hats on her Aleksandr meerkat toys which amuses me. But I’m easily amused.

So that’s my week 3 from Project 365, I’m glad I’m actually remembering to do it! It’s not like me to remember these things!


Project 365 – Week 2

So I’ve so far managed to do 2 weeks of Project 365! So here’s 7th – 14th January 2014!


Day 8 – Wednesday 8th Jan – Day before I was due to be discharged, and they finally decided to do something about my low potassium. I know that it had been 2.5 when I was admitted, and they hadn’t started any supplement while I was there, so I’m assuming it was around the same by Thursday. So I had 2L of NaCl and Potassium over about 16hours. It doesn’t half make you wee. But you then end up getting very tangled, specially when you are already on a different infusion. I think they ended up having to detangle me 4 times that night. It’s very typical me.

Day 9 – Thursday 9th January – Discharge day! Nothing like it. Although coming home to a bedroom in such a state that you can’t see your floor is just depressing. I got home and although I went straight to bed, it wasn’t as good as it could’ve been. Because my bloody hamster was missing. She’d managed to escape from her cage while I was in hospital, and we hadn’t been able to find her. We were starting to get seriously worried that we would be finding a body. But with my room the state it was, I wasn’t able to even think about looking for her. So my room was the first plan of action for the next day. It’s not normally this bad, because if it’s that bad I am at risk of falling over a lot more, specially with my hip the way it is. So it’s dangerous more than anything.

Day 10 – Friday 10th January – As you can see, we found our hamster! Cookie and I were sitting chatting in the living room and the TV was off when we heard a strange scratching sound. As you can imagine we were already being a bit cautious because we knew that she was missing. But we did have a roll of carpet rolled up that we don’t use that was propped up on the fireplace behind her cage. She’d crawled down into the middle of the roll and had gathered up food, had used the carpet to make a bedding and had managed to collect some very other odd objects. Such as an AAA battery, neb top, 2p coin, thorntons chocolate (!) and bits of rubber. But she hadn’t had anything to drink in about 5 days, so as soon as we got her back into her cage, she beelined for her bottle. She drank about 150ml in about 15-20mins. We ended up having to take her bottle off her because she was going to end up causing damage to her kidneys. But I’m just pleased that she was OK and we found her. I really was expecting to find her dead.

Day 11 – Saturday 11th January – I spent all of today in bed. I had absolutely no energy and I just couldn’t understand what had happened. There was no reason whatsoever for me to be that tired. But I figured out that evening that my patch that I wear for pain relief had managed to fall off the night previously and I didn’t realise. Because I’m currently on a smaller dose of oral morphine than I normally take in order to make sure I am able to increase it to a dose that will help without causing problems with my breathing if I need to, my body went into opiate withdrawal quite quickly and it really isn’t something that I would wish on anyone. It’s horrid. So as soon as I realised what had happened I put another one on, and took some oramorph. I think it took me about half an hour to start feeling human again, but it really isn’t an enjoyable experience. But Billy came and stayed over that night, which was really good. But because I’ve only got a single bed, he had to sleep on the airbed on the floor bless him. But it was just nice having him to stay over.


Day 12 – Sunday 12th January – Didn’t do an awful lot today.  Cookie was volunteering this morning and then we were going to just chill out for a bit. It was nice to just spend a day relaxing. But I did manage to get my bedroom tidied today, so I can actually see my floor. But when I was tidying, I found my minions! Kate, my friend Carol’s mum, knitted them for me a while ago. Anyone who knows me, knows that I have a special place in my heart for minions, and I did let out a small squeal when I got these. They are just so cool. And they have their own hats aswell. The innocent hats need to be used for something!

Day 13 – Monday 13th January – I had a very bad day. I’ve been struggling lately with everything that’s going on at the minute at home, and my frustration just hit an all time high tonight. I am so annoyed that I can’t go home and be there for my family. I love them all so much, and I know that at the minute my little brother is struggling and I’m not allowed to go home. But I’ve been told that right now, there’s so many people fussing around him, that I don’t need to be home. It’s a week or two after James dies that I’m going to be needed more. But I had just finally had enough and ended up punching my wardrobe. I’ve never done anything like it before, but I know that for the next few months, it’s something that’s quite likely to happen again. But I ended up cutting my knuckle and making it bleed. What made it funny though, was there was an empty nebuliser box on top of my wardrobe, that when I thumped it, fell off and hit me in the head. So here’s me trying to be all pissed off and angry, and that happens. It was like something out of a bloody comedy movie!

Day 14 – Tuesday 14th January – One of myself and cookie’s favourite places to eat is near the doctors surgery. We were going to the GP surgery cause Cookie had an appointment, but being up relatively early had its advantages when this coffee house sells the most amazing dutch pancakes. They’re about 14″ wide, and they put fillings like strawberries and cream, ham and cheese, cinnamon and banana and many different fillings in it. You fold it over and heat them up. They’re amazing. And totally worth trekking through all the roadworks and going out early for. Nommmmm! I had a ham and cheese pancake, and a berry crush drink. Yum.

So that’s my week two of Project 365!