I wrote this the other day and sent it to dad. I think it sums up why I love him so much and why we get on so well.
This was meant to be a list of films/telly stuff I wanted to download, but I decided to turn it into something else, mainly cause it’s just been one of those days that I’ve been thinking about anything and everything.
The past few years have been a bit shit for both of us. I don’t think I need to list the amount of rubbish we’ve both gone through, and in some ways are continuing to go through. When I was at one of my lowest points, when things were really starting to go downhill with James, you were the one that was always there for me. I knew that I had you coming to get me on Friday evenings and that I could spend a weekend away from it all and that you’d provide a listening ear for when I needed to let loose. For 3 years, probably more, you listened to me moan, cry and groan about the asshole that I was living with, and although you wanted to do something about it, you didn’t because I had said no. I can’t begin to imagine how hard that was for you knowing that I was getting so hurt by what was going on and not being able to do anything about it, but you kept your word that you wouldn’t say anything to him, or get involved. And I really appreciate it. Looking back I think it probably would’ve made things worse with me and mum, and at the time we were barely speaking, so I can’t imagine what it would’ve been like if it had of gotten any worse. But you went against your better judgment because I had asked you to.
When you flew me out to New Zealand, and we spent those few months travelling together, it really was some of the best times of my life. It was something that I can say I enjoyed about my teenage years. And I still look at the pictures and think how lucky I was to be able to do that kind of thing, none the less with my dad. I got to spend proper time with you, we talked a lot about what was going on at home, and you gave me the courage and the knowledge to get through the next few years. I look back on those months and smile, and remember that no matter how shit things get, I’ve always got someone that can make me smile. I don’t think you realise just how much I appreciate what you did for me that summer. I gained a lot of insight into the world and learnt not to take so much for granted, specially after spending time in Cambodia. Now I consider myself incredibly lucky that I’ve seen other parts of the world and how, even when things seem at their worst, there’s always somebody worse off. I try not to take things for granted so much anymore. Then coming home for my birthday, and sitting at a table with Pappy, who lets face it, isn’t the easiest of people to get on with, meant a lot to me. For the first time in about 10 years, I had my family in one place, being civil with each other and it was a good night. I still look at the picture of us all together and smile.
I don’t think anyone is as happy for you than I am. You’ve finally found someone you’re truly happy with, and have a job that you’re enjoying and that’s secure. You’ve not exactly had the best of luck in the past with relationships and jobs, but to see you happy now, is something that really makes me happy. Irene is someone that, in my opinion, is perfect for you. She really is a special person and I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like her. She really is a caring person and the fact that you love her and trust her, is amazing. I love you to pieces, and the fact that you’ve found someone who loves you as much as you love her, is something you’ve needed for a long time. I honestly think that Irene is the person that you should spend the rest of your life with. And I couldn’t be happier. I really like her and consider her as much a part of the family as I do mum and you.
The op I’m having in a few weeks time, is to be quite honest, scaring the crap out of me. But the one thing that’s stopping me from freaking completely is that you’re going to be there with me. I know at 21, and after all the other crap I’ve been through with my health, that I should have a bit more courage, but sometimes we all just want our dad. It means a lot that you’re coming home for it, because I know how much pressure you’re under with work at the minute. When you showed up on that Saturday when you were home for the funeral, you’ve no idea how much it helped me. Sometimes when you really feel crap, there’s only one thing that would cheer you up. I’d resigned myself to the thought that it wasn’t going to happen, because it was just not possible. But then you showed up and it really gave me the morale boost I needed. I came out of that admission feeling better than any other time and I’ve got my all time best lung function at the minute. I’ve got you to thank for that. Sometimes you have to be mentally well, to be physically well, and you got me out of a hole I was in.
I know sometimes I’m a complete pain in the arse, and wind you up something shocking, but I do love you to pieces. I don’t think I’d be the person I am today if it wasn’t for you, and how you’ve been a constant support to me throughout the past 10 odd years or so. I like to think that I’m a stronger, caring person and in some ways, a bit more mature than most 21 year olds. And I have you to thank for that. For making me see the bigger picture and not just focus on myself all the time.
I love you more than I can put into words, but I hope this shows you a bit of that. I can’t wait to see you in a few weeks, and even though it’s not going to be under the best of circumstances, I’m just going to be happy to see you.
Love you so much