Baby Steps.

Ok, so I know it’s been a while since I blogged, but a lot has gone on since then in terms of my health and moving etc. Since I blogged I’ve been in hospital twice, and the last one was the day after I was discharged from my previous admission. I knew I was going to be admitted and I was kind of prepared for it but it really took a lot out of me and I’m beginning to get very fed up with the direction things are going in regard to my health.  

On my last admission, It was a disaster from the word go. The paramedics were both idiots. I was put in minors in A&E. I was left on my own for nearly an hour, not given a neb and basically told that I was hyperventilating. So I let them have an ABG, which is not something I normally do. I hate them. They hurt, are hard to get and leave almighty bruises. They’re blood tests from your artery, usually obtained from your wrist, brachial artery or femoral artery. Mine showed that I wasn’t hyperventilating, and that in fact my CO2 level was high and my oxygen levels were low. Despite that they didn’t do anything and I was pretty much left on my own. I was sent to AMU which is the Acute Medical Unit. They send you there if there’s no beds on the ward that you should be on or they want to keep a closer eye on you. I got up to the ward and it was about 3am by this stage. I was completely exhausted and after a few of my own nebs I managed to get some sleep. When the nurse came in in the morning, she introduced herself, and me being me and being completely exhausted sort of groaned and waved. The rest of the day was spent sleeping and nebbing. But at some point my consultants minion came in to see me. We’ve decided to trial aneasthetic nebs. This was something we were going to try on my last admission but it was decided that at the time I wasn’t unwell enough. The nebs are going to take a while to begin to work so I’m hoping that they’ll be the answer. So far they don’t seem to be doing much except giving me a numb tongue. But we’ll see how it goes. But that evening my flatmate came up to see me. I was telling her about that morning when I sort of groaned at the nurse and went back to sleep. The ward sister then came in and completely laid into me. I got told if I was ever rude to or about any of her nurses again she would make sure that I was never allowed back on that ward again and that my consultant would be made aware. By this point I was in tears and she says “You can cry until you’re blue in the face but I don’t care. We all know what you’re up to and are not going to stand for it.” I have absolutely no idea what was going on or what she was on about. But it left me seriously upset and I was exceptionally close to discharging myself. I have never felt so small in all my life. But I was moved to a different ward pretty quickly after that. That ward turned out to be the Pulmonary Oncology Unit. Not really the ideal place, and it was in the complete arse end of nowhere. But the staff on there were pretty nice. When I saw my consultant on the Thursday, I found out that the staff on my normal Respiratory ward had been speaking to Niven and told him that they’d heard me talking to another patient and saying that I thought I’d be back in by Friday and that I apparently enjoy being in hospital. It’s really made me question the trust I have in the staff on that ward. I would’ve preferred if they’d have at least spoken to me about it. Luckily my consultant is pretty cool and said that he wasn’t paying much attention to it, but to be careful what I say when I’m in hospital because things can be misinterpreted. But it’s given me a lot to think about. I’m hoping these new nebs help, because I don’t know how much more I can mentally and physically take. Being in hospital is taking its toll on not just me, but Cookie aswell. It’s not fair on either of us, so if these nebs work, it would really give me a second chance at things.  Unfortunately while I was in hospital, my other hip started causing me major problems. I knew it was going to happen eventually, but I was kind of hoping I’d get a bit longer to enjoy not having to use crutches. But in some ways it’s a good thing because it means I’m not going to be constantly wondering when it’s going to happen and I can get it sorted sooner rather than later. 

We’ve completely moved into our new flat now. We’re in the middle of unpacking and getting everything sorted. All we are waiting on now is things like more furniture, the gas and electric meters need changed because we’ve changed supplier. But cookie went to IKEA yesterday and got some storage stuff for her room. The only problem we are having is the kitchen is tiny, so it’s making it quite difficult to sort of unpack everything in there. But I think one day quite soon I’m going to go in and completely attack it and get it suitable for using properly. We’ve managed to semi-sort the living room out and we now have a sofa, telly stand and the bookcase is up so we’ve been able to put the dvds in to it and start unpacking more stuff. It’s good. I know cookie struggled to believe that we’d get things unpacked, But we sat the other night and got loads of stuff sorted out ready for her putting her storage unit from IKEA in there and I think slowly but surely she’s starting to believe that we can actually manage it.

So in some ways, things are just the same, but in other ways things are getting better. I’m hoping that these new nebs really help, and that we can get the flat unpacked and sorted quite soon. It would really be fantastic to get the flat sorted and somewhere we can properly call home. Because it really is the first place I can call “My Flat” and that to me is something seriously positive. I can do this. I know I can.