Two blogs in two days, blimey.
I’ve been thinking a lot today about how my health and treatment compares to friends. I think one of the things I need to work on is not comparing my health and treatments to others.
I’m fortunate in that I have a fantastic GP, chest consultant and support network. While it’s going to take a long time to be seen by psychology, I’ve got a fantastic GP who wouldn’t hesitate to contact my psychiatrist in an instant if he was worried about me. I spent a year having my head managed by my GP and he was able to start so much and sort so many things out for me that most GPs wouldn’t be willing to do. And I still moan. And I still get upset when other people get better treatment than me. And it’s making me so fucking angry with myself because I know that I do it, and I know that it upsets my friends. The fact that I can walk into a GP appointment and straight away they’ll increase my anti-psychotics, or will offer me any support they can is quite amazing. And I don’t think I realise just how lucky I am. Manchester may have the worst mental health care in the country, but once I was in the system, they’ve been mostly helpful with my care. My GP has gone above and beyond for me, and he’s the only reason I haven’t left my current GP practice as the other GPs and receptionists are all arseholes. But Dr N has been amazing and I couldn’t ask for a more understanding, caring GP.
I have a chest consultant who has written me a fantastic letter for A&E, given me a PICC line pretty much constantly for about 3 years now and I still moan when I have to have a cannula, or don’t get a Port-a-Cath. Yet my best friend has to almost prove how poorly she is to get IV Aminophylline when she’s poorly and has had times in A&E where it’s taken ~20 attempts to get a cannula, and then they gave up and put a central line in. Whereas I got a PICC line the minute access started becoming a minute issue. It’s beyond the levels of fair. I had a new PICC line put in today, and ended up breaking down in tears in the Interventional Radiology theatres because it was so unfair that I was getting a PICC and Spud doesn’t. Despite being under the care of the same consultant. Don’t get me wrong, things can be shit, but when they’re shit I generally get sorted fairly quickly and don’t have to fight people for care as far as my physical health is concerned. I feel like a pretty shitty human to be honest. I know it’s not my fault where I live, but I feel like I could handle it so much better. I almost feel as if I gloat to my friends and rub it in their faces that I get the care they so badly want. I don’t intend for it to come across like that, in fact the fact that i’ve realised I do it has made me angry in ways I can’t even explain.
I want everyone to get the same treatment. We all get treatment under the NHS, so why the fuck does your postcode dictate how good your treatment is? It’s bloody ridiculous and it makes me angry and frustrated.