Well a lot has happened since I last blogged in July when I lost Freddie. Well, when I say a lot, I mean a lot of small things have happened, some good and some not so good. I suppose I’ll start with the good things and see how far I get considering it’s 4am.
The first good thing was Cookie finally had her hip operation. We’d had to cancel it previously because it clashed with our holiday and then the 2nd time the aneasthetist wasn’t happy with a lot of things, so to have it finally go ahead was a major achievement. Unfortunately Cookie underestimated how sore she’d be afterwards and for once, had to accept the fact that I’m her carer and gave into needing painkillers and things. Luckily now she’s doing a lot better, but is still in a fair amount of pain and is still needing a crutch to get around, but it’s an improvement on before the op. Let’s just hope she continues to improve, because she really does get down about it. But hopefully it’s the start of better things for her. It’s been a rough few years and she really deserves a break. Unfortunately she managed to break her scaphoid in mid-august and has been in cast since then, which has made any physio she was meant to be doing incredibly difficult. One day she’ll learn to not be so clumsy.
For me one of the upsides of the past few months is I am currently sat in Monaghan in my own house, wrapped up in a blanket. All be it 4am. I decided I wanted to come home for my birthday and of course a birthday isn’t the same unless best friends are involved, so Cookie came too. It was incredibly manic and it was very touch and go as to whether we’d both be allowed to fly as my lungs went to shite and cookie ended up in cast, but thankfully I was able to get home with Cookie. What really made it special though was we went out for a meal, and all my family and friends were there. I can’t actually remember a time when my entire family and friends were together and civil towards each other. Dad flew over from Tenerife, Nanny and Pappy, Mum and Uncle Jonathan were there. Along with my best friends from back here, Laura (And Boyfriend) and Michelle and of course Cookie. I don’t care what anyone says, you don’t value your family and friends until you don’t have them around you anymore, and having them all together for my 21st birthday really was a special and monumental occasion for me. I got a new laptop from my grandparents and mum, Cookie got me an iPad and dad got me a camera. Then I got some earrings, chocolate, bath bombs and money aswell. I know that makes me look like a completely spoilt brat but I don’t care. The past few years have been exponentially shite for me on a whole, and this is my last big birthday until my 30th (Scary thought there!).
3rd good thing – I’ve applied to do an Open University Course in Pyschology. I’ve accepted I’m not going to be well enough to start nursing in Sept so I’m going to have a go at English with Psychology at uni. I’ve already got a good basis with English, having got an A in Leaving Cert english, but I’ve no previous experience in psych so this will be a good starting point and something positive for me to focus on.
So, the bad points. Before coming to Ireland on the 17th Sept, I spent 5 out of 6 weeks bouncing in and out of hospital. It was one of the lowest points for me since I left home in 2009. I honestly didn’t think I was going to make it home, cookie broke her scaphoid, I was having problems with the levels of a medication I take which was making me feel pretty horrid in a lot of ways and I was having a seriously difficult time accepting the fact that I have fucked lungs. Thankfully I did get a lot better, and was discharged feeling a lot better than I had in a while. Which of course I told everyone I knew about and made the most of it. It was brilliant going out and not having to use mobility scooters to get around asda because I was getting so short of breath just walking, and hopefully that will be something I can look forward to again, because as always in life, I’ve had a barrier put in my way.
On Saturday night after my party, I went up to Belfast with dad. I wanted to be able to spend a few days with him and it was going to be easier for everyone if we went up on Saturday night as opposed to Sunday morning when I’m never feeling my best anyway. So that was all fine and well and on Sunday afternoon we went to a friends birthday party which was in the country, quite far from anything. On Sunday evening I started feeling a little bit grotty so went up and had a lie down for a bit and dad came up to watch TV with me for a bit. I went back downstairs after a while and chatted to everyone then headed to bed about 3am I think in the end. I woke up on the Monday morning with an almighty sore throat, lungs were gunky and I was running a temp. Never a good combination. I knew I was coming home that evening so wasn’t overly worried because I thought I had a course of anti biotics at home I could take if I started to struggle, so battled on through the day with regular ventolin (minus my neb because dipshit here thought she was doing fine and wouldn’t need it. That won’t happen again), increased steroids and just being a bit more cautious than normal. Got home, found not only had I forgotten my anti-biotics in England, but that I’d managed to leave my mouthpiece for my neb there too. Or so we think, because it’s disappeared and nobody can find it. But I’ve spent the past 4 days lying on the sofa in my pyjamas with my blanket feeling very sorry for myself. I’m coughing up colourful crap, still running a temp and feel pretty rotten. I managed to get some anti-biotics off my old GP, who I didn’t realise I was still registered with or I wouldn’t have waited so bloody long to get it sorted! But I started them yesterday and I don’t think they’ve kicked in yet, or I wouldn’t be sitting here at 4.30am coughing a lung up and feeling like complete shite. But I’m flying back to England on Monday, so as long as I’m good and behave over the weekend I /should/ be OK. I need to go out tomorrow and get some stuff so we will see how that goes.
I really wish sometimes that things were so much more simpler. I know that would mean a boring life, but a boring life would mean a quiet life, and I could live with that! So my next big ventures will be this OU course and the trip to Tenerife in Jan that I have planned for me and Cookie. And so help me I will be well enough for that!